Quarantine: Day 365 — A Year in Lysolation

I wrote this blog in March 2021. Ultimately, I ended up spending 418 days in quarantine before I was finally vaccinated and free to live my life.

Friday, March 13th — Day 1

I woke up with a sense of dread, like the world was crumbling in around me. I haven’t even been back at work a week after testing positive for Flu A & B. I spent 2 weeks working from home, and it looks like that might become everyone’s norm.

By lunch I’ve worked myself into a full panic attack. Everyone at the office is on edge, and several have already grabbed their laptop and bounced.

My boss’s father is a Rheumatologist, so luckily he’s understanding when it comes to my health. My team tells me to go home until I feel comfortable.

By the next week, everyone is working remotely.

Thursday, March 26th — Day 2

Over half of my team, and nearly a quarter of the entire company was laid off.

I was one of them.

I spend the next month grieving the loss and trying not to lose my house or medical insurance.

I was approved for UI benefits, but Congress hadn’t acted yet, so the maximum amount I can get is $451 per week.

I’m literally down to my last 3 rolls of toilet paper when mom makes an emergency supply drop.

Summer 2020

Eventually, the CARES Act is passed and I am able to pause my mortgage. My financial fears lessen to a bearable degree.

Which is good because this is around the same time that my tenant stops paying rent.

Also, while I‘m waiting for medicare to come through, my Lexapro prescription run out and I spiral into an anxiety-fueled depression.

Breonna Taylor. George Floyd.

Countless other innocent black men and women are recklessly murdered by powerful people who get away with it.

I feel a sense of guilt for staying home, but I’m too afraid of this virus to be in crowds. I spend most of my days online signing petitions, reporting hate accounts, and exposing Nazis.

I start painting protest signs and hanging them on my front door.

My neighbor responds with Trump flags.

I struggle with how to help and be involved when my own self-worth is at an all time low and I’m locked in this 3 bedroom prison all alone.

Fall 2020

I decide to apply to a Ph.D program.

All of my medications have been renewed and I’m finally feeling like I have a purpose again.

Both of my nephews are born happy and healthy. I’m able to safely visit them and their mamas after almost complete isolation for 6 months.

I accept a new job with better pay and much better benefits.

He lost.

Then he lost again. And again. And…honestly, I’ve lost count at this point. But he’s a big fat fucking loser.

Madam Vice President Kamala Harris

Holidays 2020

Because I have such a small family, we were able to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas as we normally would. The only difference was delaying for them to do a 2-week quarantine prior.

We actually celebrated Christmas well into January.

2021

I turn 30 on Inauguration Day. My friends send me flowers and throw me a Zoom party. I feel okay, but pretty lonesome.

I keep thinking I’m ready to start thinking about dating again. Hopefully, I’ll be vaccinated within the next few weeks and after a year of total isolation, I need to feel some human connection. But every time, I open the apps I get discouraged all over again.

Friday, March 12th — Day 364

I was never a University of Arkansas fan, Roll Tide, but today they’re on my shit list as the first school to ever reject me.

I’m putting that Ph.D dream on hold…for now.

Of course, you’re still welcome to call me Dr. Potter if you like.

Saturday, March 13th — Day 365

I haven’t been a heavy drinker for several years now, however, this year I have pretty much given up booze altogether. The last time I had a few glasses of wine, I didn’t sleep for shit, and I had an RA Flare the next day.

After that I failed to find value in it. I’ll probably still have a beer or two when I go out, but I don’t see anymore binge drinking in my future. I’ll take cannabis over alcohol any day.

Losing my dad during the height of puberty contributed to my fear of abandonment, anxious attachment style, and need for male attention. In other words, daddy issues.

Spending a year in solitude made me face all of those fears and anxieties directly. I had to learn how to be 100% by myself without losing myself in the process.

I have been around other people only a handful of times. I make weekly trips to the drive-thru pharmacy and a monthly grocery pick-up, but the only time I’ve been inside a store is to get my Flu Shot.

Now that I believe we’re closing in normalcy with the vaccination roll out, I’m developing a whole new set of fears and anxieties.

What if I’ve gotten too good at being alone?

What if I’ve developed a sense of agoraphobia?

Is it just the virus, or am I going to feel this scared forever?

Do I even remember how to talk to people IRL?

Only time will tell, I’m still stuck in this jail until Asa’s dumbass allows people under 65 with compromised immune systems to get a shot. So, until then I’m gonna stay isolated and continue talking to myself. Pray for me.